Ineffective Instructions 5 - Vague Instructions

This is the fifth of seven instruction blunders to avoid.

Vague Instructions: instructions that are not specific. The instruction doesn't tell a person what you want done.

For example:
"Stop that!" "Be good." "Behave!"

"Clean you room." (this is vague depending on the age of the child)

"Clean the kitchen." (again vague depending on the age of the child)

*********************************************************************
Instructions should be clear, succinct, one at a time (2 max), and with enough time for a person to follow up. Be sure that you are as specific as possible to avoid confusion. My definition of a "clean room" as an adult is very different than a 5 year old boy's definition of clean room (think clothes stuffed under the bed). Describe the behavior that you are wanting.

Better:
Sit on your bottom.
Say "Please and Thank you".
Put your hands in your lap.

Put your toys in the toy box and clothes in the drawers.

Put the clean dishes away and dirty ones in the dishwasher.


Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Beverly Dolenz Walsh
Life and Family Coach

Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!

Ineffective Instructions 4 - Repeated Instructions

This is the fourth of seven instruction blunders to avoid.

Repeated Instructions: stating the instruction over and over again. Children learn over time that a parent will repeat a command over and over before they actually have to comply. They learn to tune the parent out until the parent is “serious”.

For example:
"Do your homework. I said, Do your homework. Didn’t you hear me? Do your homework.”

“Time for a bath. I said, Get in the bath. For the last time, take a bath!”

*********************************************************************

Instructions should be clear, succinct, one at a time (2 max), and with enough time for a person to follow up. Be sure that you have your child’s attention – turn off the TV/video game, make eye contact, wait for an acknowledgement.

Better:
(Looking at the child) "It's 4:30. Time for homework." (Wait to hear "OK" and see them start)

(Looking at the child) "Time to clean up. Get in the bath." (Wait to hear "OK" and see them start)


Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Beverly Dolenz Walsh
Life and Family Coach

Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!

Ineffective Instructions 3 - Question Instructions

This is the third of seven instruction blunders to avoid.

Question Instructions: stating the instruction as a question. Technically, the child has the right to say “No” since you are asking a question. The parent is disempowered.

For example:
"Shouldn’t you be doing your homework now?”

“Isn’t it time to clean your room?”

Just imagine your clever child’s response ;-)

*********************************************************************

Instructions should be clear, succinct, one at a time (2 max), and with enough time for a person to follow up. If you are to use a question, give a choice that you can live with (this can help minimize power struggles).

Better:
It’s 4:30. Time for homework.

It’s Saturday. Rooms will be clean before you can go outside and play.

Clean up time. Do you want to take a bath or shower?


Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Beverly Dolenz Walsh
Life and Family Coach

Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!