Ineffective Instructions 2 - Chained Instructions

This is the second of seven instruction blunders to avoid.
Chained Instructions: stringing or chaining too many commands together.

For example:
"Johnny, feed the dog, and then do your homework, and then take out the garbage, and then put the dishes away, and then take a shower, brush your teeth, and go to bed.”

If more than 2 instructions are given, children will lose track and won’t be able to pay attention to the entire string. You’ll be lucky if the first command is completed. We all have short-term memory limits :-)

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Instructions should be clear, succinct, one at a time (2 max), and with enough time for a person to follow up.

For day to day tasks, stick to a routine so that over time, individual instructions become less necessary. For a “good night routine”, a young child (age 3-6) may require the task by task guidance (bath, pj’s, teeth, potty, book, bed). But over time, a simple “It’s time for good night” will set the “train in motion”.

For older kids, ADHD kids, or special occasions where you are out, write the instructions down if you have several things that need to be done. You will be clearer and they will have a tool to use to remember. Similar to the way that adults find grocery lists helpful.

Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Beverly Dolenz Walsh
Life and Family Coach

Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!

Ineffective Instructions 1 - Buried Instructions

This is the first of seven instruction tips. It has close ties to the first parent tip - Talk Less.

Buried instructions: instructions that are followed by too much talking. The talking usually involves lots of explaining or rationalizing about why something should be done. It can also take the form of fussing or criticizing after the command is given.

For example:
"Johnny, do your homework. You know how important homework is. You want to be successful don't you? And you know what a busy week you have ahead of you and you get so stressed. "

or

"Jane, clean your room. You are such a slob. I don't know how you can stand to live in this pig pen. You are always such a mess."

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Instructions should be clear, succint, one at a time (2 max), and with enough time for a person to follow up. Stating instructions like they are rules can be especially helpful for younger children.

For example:
"Johnny, it's 4:30. Time for homework."

"Jane, hang your clothes in the closet. Put your shoes in the closet too."

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Try it and then post a comment about how it works out for you.

Parent Talking Tip 2 - Buying Time

One of my parenting frustrations is that I can't be in two places at the same time...
While I'm preparing dinner, I can't be with my daughter helping with a homework question.
While getting myself ready in the morning, I can't be with my son helping him find his shoe.

This is how it sounds..."Mom! Can you help me with this math problem!" (from across the house).
"Mom! Can you help me find my other shoe!" (from the other room).

This is how I sound..."Work on the problem for 5 minutes and if you still need help, let me know."
"Look for your shoe for 5 minutes, if you still need help, we can do teamwork."

My kids learn to figure it out and stick to a problem, aka,
Frustration Tolerance. I don't get on the stop / start rollar coaster and buy myself some time.

Not as good as a time machine, but that "5 minutes" buys me alot more than just 5 minutes ;-)

Try it and let me know how it works for you.

Talking Tip 1 - Talk Less

Remember the Charlie Brown cartoons? What sound did the adults make? Whah whah, whah whah whah whah....

Parents may think they are being eloquent, pithy, or persuasive when lecturing a child. Most times, however, it's like the Charlie Brown cartoon.

What to do? Be short, to the point, and specific.
For example, "Put the toy in the box" vs. "Put that away"
"Hang your clothes in your closet" vs. "Clean your room"

Want to reduce the power struggles? Talk less.