Teaching Children to Share
Have you ever noticed the look on the face of a 3 year old when told to "share a toy" or "give Jimmy a turn"? I don't think a look of gratitude or understanding is what comes to mind. I think most young children equate sharing with "me having nothing" and the other child having "everything".
I noticed that if I requested that my kids "traded" toys, instead of "sharing" a toy, I got much better cooperation. This way, both kids had something.
My question to my childen as they are gearing up to grab that coveted car or toy is, "What's your trade?". At times, I may have had to referee, "find a better trade", as my older child was trying to sneak in a "loser" trade. For the most part, however, the idea makes sense to children and is received easily.
Another tip is to offer "taking turns" and then set a timer or number of tries as the trade off point. Remember that 10 minutes or 10 tries is an ETERNITY to a 3 year old. Keep the time and turns within a limit that would make sense for a young child - 5 minutes or 3 turns for example.
Before you know it, you will hear your children becoming master negotiators and sharers of all things.
Anyone else have any tips or thoughts on sharing?
Beverly Dolenz Walsh, Ph.D.
Life and Family Coach
Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Ineffective Instructions 7 - Distant Instructions
This is the last of seven instruction blunders to avoid.
Distant Instructions: instructions that are yelled from another room or from a distance. Because the parent cannot see the child, the parent will be unaware if the child heard the instruction or was involved in something else important to the child. Additionally, it is hard to keep a respectful tone when yelling from across the house.
For example:
From downstairs Mom yells, “Mary, get off the phone and do your homework.” Meanwhile, Mary is on the phone reviewing the assignment with a friend.
From across the house Dad yells, “Turn off the light and go to bed.” Johnny wonders why Dad doesn’t say “goodnight” anymore and feels distant.
Mom yells across the crowded park that it is time to go and becomes frustrated because her kids “never listen”.
*********************************************************************
Communication is a 2-way street. The person giving the information must be aware if the instruction has been received. The most effective communication involves eye contact, a respectful tone, and recognition from the recipient that the message has been understood.
In all the examples, the person who starts the communication should make an effort to have eye contact with the person or be in close enough range to use a normal voice volume. Yes, this requires people getting up and moving, walking, etc. or making a request for the other person to come closer. The effort will be rewarded in a payoff of better communication and relationships.
Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.
Beverly Dolenz Walsh
Life and Family Coach
Dr.Bev@sbcglobal.net
Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!
Distant Instructions: instructions that are yelled from another room or from a distance. Because the parent cannot see the child, the parent will be unaware if the child heard the instruction or was involved in something else important to the child. Additionally, it is hard to keep a respectful tone when yelling from across the house.
For example:
From downstairs Mom yells, “Mary, get off the phone and do your homework.” Meanwhile, Mary is on the phone reviewing the assignment with a friend.
From across the house Dad yells, “Turn off the light and go to bed.” Johnny wonders why Dad doesn’t say “goodnight” anymore and feels distant.
Mom yells across the crowded park that it is time to go and becomes frustrated because her kids “never listen”.
*********************************************************************
Communication is a 2-way street. The person giving the information must be aware if the instruction has been received. The most effective communication involves eye contact, a respectful tone, and recognition from the recipient that the message has been understood.
In all the examples, the person who starts the communication should make an effort to have eye contact with the person or be in close enough range to use a normal voice volume. Yes, this requires people getting up and moving, walking, etc. or making a request for the other person to come closer. The effort will be rewarded in a payoff of better communication and relationships.
Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.
Beverly Dolenz Walsh
Life and Family Coach
Dr.Bev@sbcglobal.net
Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Ineffective Instructions 6 - "Let's" Instructions
This is the sixth of seven instruction blunders to avoid.
“Let’s” Instructions: instructions that begin with “Let’s” and imply that the parent is going to help the child with the task when the parent’s intent is for the child to do the task alone.
For example:
"Let’s clean your room."
"Let’s do your homework."
*********************************************************************
Instructions should be clear, succinct, one at a time (2 max), and with enough time for a person to follow up. If your intent is for the child to do a task alone, be clear about this intention.
“Please hang your clothes in the closet.”
“Time for you to do your homework.”
As much as possible, you want your child to do for her/himself what s/he is capable of doing alone, which fosters independence. If you plan to help or know that your child is still learning a task, it’s OK to say “Let me know if you need help.” or “How about some teamwork?”.
Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.
Beverly Dolenz Walsh
Life and Family Coach
Dr.Bev@sbcglobal.net
Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!
“Let’s” Instructions: instructions that begin with “Let’s” and imply that the parent is going to help the child with the task when the parent’s intent is for the child to do the task alone.
For example:
"Let’s clean your room."
"Let’s do your homework."
*********************************************************************
Instructions should be clear, succinct, one at a time (2 max), and with enough time for a person to follow up. If your intent is for the child to do a task alone, be clear about this intention.
“Please hang your clothes in the closet.”
“Time for you to do your homework.”
As much as possible, you want your child to do for her/himself what s/he is capable of doing alone, which fosters independence. If you plan to help or know that your child is still learning a task, it’s OK to say “Let me know if you need help.” or “How about some teamwork?”.
Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.
Beverly Dolenz Walsh
Life and Family Coach
Dr.Bev@sbcglobal.net
Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!
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